Supporting a Survivor

When someone you know tells you they have been sexually assaulted, it can be difficult to know how to help. Yet, you are a very important part of this person’s recovery.  The following guidelines are meant to help you feel equipped to support someone you care about.

1. Listen.  Believe.  Accept.

It is often quite difficult for a survivor to disclose that they have been sexually assaulted.  When the first person the survivor tells is accepting and supportive, this helps facilitate the healing process.  Questioning the details of story may unintentionally lead the survivor to minimize its impact or to blame him/herself for what happened.

2. Help the survivor feel safe.

Find out whether the survivor feels safe where he/she lives.  Offer shelter if you can.  If you are unable to, help the survivor identify other safe places to stay.  It is sometimes difficult to be alone after a traumatic experience.  Ask the survivor if your presence would be helpful.

3. Remind the survivor that they are not to blame.

Many survivors of sexual assault feel that they are somehow to blame for what happened.  They may feel badly for “freezing up,” not saying “no,” wearing seductive clothes, or drinking on the night of the assault.  The survivor is NEVER to blame for sexual assault.  Responsibility lies with the assailant.  Remind the survivor that this was not his/her fault.

4. Offer information and choices.

Be prepared to give information about resources for medical care, counseling, advocacy, and for making a report to police and/or campus officials.  Information on these resources can be found here .Victim advocates are available to talk with survivors about these options and help connect them with the most appropriate resources.  Victim advocacy services are free and confidential.  

University of Florida Office of Victim Services
Alachua County Victim Services and Rape Crisis Center

5. Allow the survivor to remain in control.

When someone has been assaulted, they have had their control taken away from them.  After an assault, it is important to give them that power back by allowing them to make important choices about how they handle the situation.  Be there to listen and offer ideas, but avoid being over protective.

6. Be available, patient, and understanding.

A survivor may not always know what he/she needs from you, and these needs may change from day to day.  The survivor may not act the way you are used to them acting.  Or, they may seem to get back to normal fairly quickly but show signs of stress later.  Learn about common reactions to traumatic events so that you are available to remain supportive.

7. Take care of yourself.

It is normal and natural that you will be impacted by the experience of the survivor.  You will likely have your own emotions of sadness, anger, fear, and/or confusion.  Remember to take time for yourself, engage in activities that are soothing and nurturing to you, and seek support when you need it. 

What to expect from someone who has been sexually assaulted:

Sexual assault is a traumatic event.  After the event, the survivor may feel numb or react as if nothing has happened.  Stronger emotions may show up days, weeks, or even longer after the event.  Other survivors may feel intense emotions right away.  Emotions may include depression, anger, confusion, fear, shame, and powerlessness.  Some survivors will use alcohol or other substances more than they used to, in an attempt to numb these emotions.  Some may withdraw socially or become more dependent in relationships.  Some may re-experience the event through nightmares and flashbacks.  All of these are normal reactions to sexual assault.  To be as supportive as possible, listen to the survivor’s experience without judgment, always remembering that there are resources available and healing is possible.

STRIVE Home