Supporting a Survivor
The cycle of violence can be difficult for survivors and their allies. If someone you care about is in a violent relationship, these guidelines may be useful to you.
Remember: you are an important lifeline for this person. Your support can make a world of difference. 1. Listen. Don’t judge. It may be difficult for someone to confide that they have been in a violent relationship. Listen attentively and avoid rushing to provide solutions. Show your concern by asking gentle questions and allow plenty of time for an answer.
2. Educate yourself on the cycle of violence and warning signs.
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3. Provide information, ideas, and resources.
Familiarize yourself with the “Campus and Community Resources” page on this website (link). Emphasize to the survivor that help is available. Offer to accompany him/her to these resources if you are able to do so. Provide support, but don’t force.
4. Be patient. The cycle of abuse can be difficult to recognize and even more difficult to stop. It is not always safe for someone to leave an abusive situation, even if they know it is abusive. You may not see change right away, even if you have provided excellent resources. Remind the survivor that you are available for support when he/she needs.
5. Provide reassurance. Relationship violence is never the fault of the survivor, yet survivors often feel ashamed or embarrassed. Remind the survivor that abuse in a relationship is never acceptable.
6. Step in if needed.
In some cases, you may become aware of immediate danger. If you witness or hear an assault in progress, call 911. Do not attempt to physically intervene.
7. Continue to be a friend. In many cases, survivors choose to remain in an abusive relationship for some time out of fear or hope that the situation will change. Continue to provide support and friendship – avoid giving ultimatums or forcing the person to choose between you and their partner. By choosing to remain a friend, you will be an important resource for the survivor in the future.
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